The perfumed garden - about love and sex
Through the ages, people have been doing it, dreaming about it and writing about it. But what really happens in your body? And what’s right and wrong where sex and love are concerned? GLÖD has collected facts and will try to provide answers.
What is right and what is wrong?
People have always enjoyed thinking about sex. Sexual fantasies are perhaps the most common way of “having sex”. And the question of what kind of sexuality is right and wrong has engaged many political and religious leaders and caused lots of scandals, uproars, demonstrations and conflicts. Different things are considered normal, natural, right and wrong in different cultures and at different times. So sex isn’t something we’re born with, and it’s not just part of our own private lives. Attitudes toward sex are connected to the society and the times we live in.
So what is right and wrong, then? Obviously there’s no really good answer to that question. But one good rule is that no one should be pressured into doing something they don’t want to. Whatever you do should feel right for you and the other person.
Every society has its own rules about sex. And a lot of them are unwritten rules. What are you allowed to do? How are you supposed to behave? When you feel a sexual urge, for example? Both boys and girls GLÖD has met say they sometimes feel ashamed of their urges. Boys encounter the prejudiced notion that they’re always trying to get sex. They feel that their desires are often portrayed as a bit brutish and “uglier” than girls’. Girls sometimes feel they don’t quite dare to show their desire. The old-fashioned ideal that girls shouldn’t show too much interest in sex lives on.
Horny. Aroused. Hot.
Tingling all over, want to get really close, a throbbing between your legs. But what really happens in your body?
When a boy is aroused he gets an erection. That’s because there are little clusters of blood vessels called erectile tissue in his penis. When he gets aroused, the erectile tissue fills with blood, and the pressure builds up inside, like when you blow up a balloon. Boys can get erections from being touched, but erections can also simply appear without any touching. And when he’s asleep. When a boy is aroused a few drops of fluid often come out of his penis.
When a girl is aroused, her clitoris, inner labia and the outer parts of her vagina fill with blood. They swell and get “puffy”. At the same time, her vagina becomes moist. Girls can get moist from being touched but it can happen without any touching too, just as for boys. The moisture works as a lubricant and it’s good for the girl to caress herself or be caressed so intercourse will feel good.
This moisture is not the same as the secretions or discharges that are always in the vagina.
The most sensitive parts of your body
Your body has lots of sensitive places, called erogenous zones. When you are aroused your whole skin is like an erogenous zone and becomes very sensitive to caresses. The clitoris is the most sensitive part of a girl’s body. It is a little bump just in front of her urinary opening, between the inner labia and it extends a little way into the body. The clitoris is for enjoyment. It is in just the right place for fondling. The entire vulva and the area surrounding it are very sensitive when a girl is aroused. Instead of a clitoris, boys have a glans, the sensitive “head” at the end of their penis. The most sensitive spot is where the skin on the underside of the penis is attached to the glans. But it isn’t just the sex organs that are good places to stroke.
Other sensitive places:
- Breasts and nipples (on both boys and girls!)
- Lips
- Inner thighs
- Bottom
- Nape and front of the neck
Sex organs appearance and size
Hands, lips, pounding hearts. Curiosity and enjoyment. A tingling sensation – at last everything you’ve been longing for is happening. You probably aren’t thinking much about what sex organs look like right now. But of course you sometimes wonder: “How do I look in comparison with everyone else?”
There are as many different penises and pussies as there are faces in the world: each an individual. Most penises, for instance, point off to one side or the other. There’s a big difference between boys’ penises when they’re limp and when they’re erect. You can’t tell from looking at a limp penis how big it will be when it’s erect. Some grow more, some grow less.
Girls’ labia can look very different too. Some are big, some are small, and they can be dark or light-colored. Most girls have different-sized left and right labia. A girl’s vagina can stretch a lot. After all, it can squeeze tight around a finger, but also let a baby be born. The vagina also grows deeper when a girl is aroused. The size of the clitoris also varies from one girl to another.
What is a hymen?
The hymen is a membrane that forms a ring around the opening of the vagina. It doesn’t close off the vagina, as many people believe. In young girls, the hymen is stiff. But when the girl grows older the hymen softens and becomes more stretchable. Some girls who have stiff hymens bleed a bit after their first intercourse. But usually there is no bleeding. Not even a gynecologist can be certain just from looking at the hymen whether a girl has had intercourse or not.
What is an orgasm?
Above all, an orgasm is a wonderful feeling. It’s hard to describe exactly how it feels. It can feel different from one time to another, and from person to person. Some describe an orgasm as a flood of happiness. Others think it’s like a rush of heat or an intense tingling sensation that spreads from their genitals. You can get an orgasm when you have intercourse or when you or someone else fondles the erogenous zones of your body. Some people can have orgasms in their sleep.
When you have an orgasm things happen in your body and in your brain. Most girls have several spasms at the opening of their vagina. The uterus deep inside the body also contracts. Boys usually ejaculate when they have an orgasm, but ejaculation and orgasm are not the same thing. Your body releases “feel-good” substances when you have an orgasm and when you make love and caress someone who touches you lovingly in return.
“For love is strong as death, jealousy is cruel as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.”
“Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your kisses like the best wine that goes down smoothly, gliding over lips and teeth.”
“Let us go out early to the vineyards, and see whether the vines have budded, whether the grape blossoms have opened and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love.”
From the Song of Solomon in the Old Testament of the Bible.
The Song of Solomon was written some time between 900 B.C. and 200 B.C.
“Stroke my breasts with your fingers,
they are small and you have neglected them.
Enough! Now swiftly let your lips touch just there.”
From a Sanskrit text by Amaru, written in about 800 A.D.
“The Perfumed Garden” is an Arabic textbook in the art of lovemaking. It was written at the beginning of the sixteenth century. The book lists over forty different names for the female genitalia. Some examples:
El Harr = the hot one
El Taleb = the yearning one
El Makaour = the bottomless
The same book also uses different names for the male genitalia:
El Aouar = the one-eyed
El Bessis = the impudent one
El Fortass = the bald one
“Suspended love-making”
“When a couple make love standing, or leaning against a wall or a pillar…and the woman sits in her lover's cradled hands, her arms around his neck, thighs gripping his waist, her feet pushing back and forth against a wall, it is ‘suspended love-making’.”
From the Kamasutra, written 2000 years ago. The author Vatsyayana saw it as his duty to guide young people through the labyrinth of erotic arts.
There’s nothing to fear
if you lie rear to rear
…but if you turn face to face
games in earnest take place!
(rhyme from the early twentieth century)