GLÖD's Question Box
GLÖD's experts answer your questions about love, sex, relationships and other important matters. Here are some of the most frequently asked questions with answers.
My testicles are different sizes
Hi. My right testicle is bigger than the left one and it hangs a bit higher up than the other one. Is there anything wrong with it? Apart from that I feel fine. /Anonymous
Answer:
No, there’s nothing wrong with your testicles! It’s quite normal to have different sized testicles and it’s usually the right one that’s a bit smaller.
It’s also very common that the testicles hang at different heights, usually with the left one farther down. I haven’t found any explanation for this. Anyway, one practical result is that the testicles don’t get squeezed between the thighs as easily as if they both hung at the same level.
/Stefan
I want to wait with sex
I’m a 15-year-old boy. I don’t want to have sex yet, but my girlfriend wants to have sex NOW. What should I do? I don’t want her to break up because I love her a lot. She’s 16.
Yours truly, V86
Answer:
Hi V86!
The very best thing you can do is be sincere and tell your girlfriend honestly that you want to wait. If you just keep quiet about it or invent excuses she’ll sense you’re not being straight with her and maybe she’ll think you don’t love her or something just as far off the mark. You don’t need to give any carefully thought-out reasons to wait before you have sex. It’s enough that it just doesn’t feel right yet.
/StefanWhy am I so sad?
Hi, I’m a sad girl and all I do is cry. I don’t know why I’m so sad. I’ve got friends, but none I can talk to, cause nobody understands. Nobody understands how I feel. I don’t even know myself why I cry. I don’t have any reason to be sad. So why is it I almost don’t want to live? /Sad
Answer:
You write that you cry a lot and don’t know why you’re crying. I can sympathize with your wish to understand why you cry, because it’s often a relief to know why we feel the way we do. What’s happening that makes us angry, happy, sad or full of yearning? Another problem is that the people around us feel they should also understand why, so they can console us and be supportive. But feelings can’t always be understood. Sometimes you can go through the day feeling frustrated, irritable, dejected and despondent without really knowing why. Sadness is like that too. There isn’t always an answer.
Maybe you’re going through a very sensitive phase your life. That could mean that you are more in touch with your emotions and let them run free.
Maybe you’re used to showing your happy, positive feelings. Maybe you usually cover up your sadness. That won’t work in the long run. Sadness usually finds ways to break into the open sooner or later.
We have all kinds of feelings within us, and we have to acknowledge them, even when we don’t understand them. No matter what it is that makes you cry, you need to talk about your sadness and your crying. If you can say: “I’m sad and I don’t know why” and be met with respect, it will help you.
You write that nobody understands how you feel. No, no one else can ever truly understand your feelings, your experiences. We can only understand our own. Maybe that’s why people keep asking each other “why are you sad, why are angry” and so on.
Talk about it at home, talk with your friends. They may not understand exactly what you mean, and they may not feel as you do, but if they like you and you like them, that’s enough.
Margareta
How can you tell if you're a virgin?
I’m a girl with two questions. How can you tell if you’re a virgin or not? And if you’re a virgin … can you use the hand shower or not? But please, don’t tell me to go to the youth clinic. Please answer ASAP.
Girl
Answer:
Dear signature Girl,
You know if you are a virgin by knowing whether or not you have had sexual intercourse.
There are women who get sexual satisfaction from showering their genital area to stimulate their clitoris and reach orgasm. In that case it doesn’t matter whether you have had sexual intercourse or not.
On the other hand, you should avoid showering in such a way that water gets into your vagina. It has an excellent built-in purification system that can be disrupted by water from the outside.
Best regards, Inga-Lill
My teacher gropes me
My teacher gropes me. My parents don’t believe me. The same thing happened to one of my friends, but that was a while ago. What should I do? I’ve tried a lot of different things, but no one believes me. Help!
“Anna”
Answer:
Dear Anna,
Thanks for writing to Glöd. You brought up a problem that I know is shared by many other young teenage girls – teachers and other adults who touch them inappropriately or take other liberties with them.
You have really tried to get help and I think it is dreadful that adults aren’t taking your experience seriously. And that is not unusual.
I think there are several reasons for that. One is that many adults have forgotten how sensitive the body is to touch, and what a delicate matter it is when other people trespass across our boundaries. And your teacher is doing that.
Another reason is that adults don’t want to believe that other adults touch young people in a sexual way, especially not their own children. The idea is too disturbing. And taking hold of the problem and talking to someone like a teacher can feel difficult and frightening – so difficult for parents that they choose not to believe their children. It can be easier to say “oh, surely it’s not that bad”, or “he probably doesn’t mean anything by it”. And so you end up not being taken seriously.
You need help and you need support. You should not have to feel that he is taking liberties with you, that he touches you in a way that feels uncomfortable.
Your teacher also needs help. He has to learn to respect your and others’ boundaries so that he knows and understands that he is offending you.
I would like you to do two things. First, show this letter to your parents, because you need their support. You should also tell the school counsellor or school nurse about the situation and ask for help. It would be best if your parents went with you when you do it. Or you can go straight to the headmaster or headmistress.
Regardless of what your teacher says or how he defends himself, the adults around you should take your experience seriously. You have the right to demand that, so stick to your guns!
Margareta
Does it hurt to have sex?
Hi, I have a few questions about sex. I wonder whether it hurts the girl to have sex at first. And I wonder whether there is any difference between sex to have sex and sex to have children.
“Me”
Answer:
Dear “Me”,
Thanks for your letter. I understand that you as a young woman are wondering about whether it hurts to have sex, especially at first. By your question, I understand that by sex you mean intercourse.
Generally speaking sex shouldn’t hurt, but the first time may be an exception. The hymen is located near the opening of the vagina and, in some women, the hymen can be a little tight and difficult to stretch when they have intercourse for the first time. If you have used tampons or tried exploring your vagina with your fingers, the hymen has probably already been stretched a bit, which can make it easier the first time you have intercourse.
To make sure your first experience doesn’t feel unpleasant, there are a few things to consider. It’s a good idea to think about it carefully beforehand and make sure you really want to have intercourse. If you do, make sure you and your partner have plenty of time and a place where you won’t be interrupted. The two of you really must also think about contraception. Condoms are a good choice, especially in the beginning of a relationship. Condoms protect you against pregnancy as well as sexually transmitted diseases like chlamydia.
Before starting intercourse, girls and women need to wait until the vagina and labia get wet. This usually happens by itself when you kiss and pet. The next step before you can have intercourse is that the vagina and labia must get themselves ready by getting soft and swollen – sort of “pillowy”. This opens the labia so the penis can more easily enter the vagina.
Otherwise, there is no difference between sex purely for enjoyment and sex that is meant to lead to pregnancy.
Intercourse doesn’t always feel the same from one time to the next. Sometimes it can feel extremely good and other times not quite as pleasurable. The most important thing is that both partners are having intercourse of their own free will and that neither feels forced into it.
Good luck, Inga-Lill