GLÖDs question box
GLÖD’s experts, Margareta, Sandra and Stefan, answer personal questions about the body and soul.
Penis rash
Hi, Glöd, After I had unprotected sex with my ex-girlfriend I’ve
had a strange mark on my penis. It’s round and looks like an
abrasion and smarts incredibly when you touch it and several
times it also began to bleed. When I first noticed it, it wasn’t
bigger than a pencil-point, but now it’s the size of a thumbnail
and I’m starting to get worried. Do you have any idea what I
could be?
Sincerely worried guy
Hi, The first thing that comes to my mind when I read your
description is a herpes infection. But it’s impossible to say for
sure what you have without an examination. So you should
definitely show your problem to someone with experience of
diseases that affect the genitals, because there’s always
something that can be done to at least reduce the discomfort.
It’s not until you’ve gotten a sure diagnosis that you can get the
help you need. Even if the discomfort has passed for this time it
may be a good idea to visit a doctor to learn what to do if it
returns. Contact your youth clinic or venereological clinic of
your hospital.
Stefan
I keep getting erections
Hi! I am a boy of 13 years and I have a problem – I get an
erection for almost anything. I can get an erection just thinking
about a good-looking girl – is there anything I can do about it?
Would like an answer
Hi! It may be easy to think you’re alone in your experiences
that have to do with sex and sexuality. In your case, that’s
because an erection isn’t something you talk about with just
anyone. But in fact this is an experience you share with very
many teenage guys. If you talked to other boys/men, they
would tell you how the penis has a life of it own and has landed
them in some pretty embarrassing situations. I myself have
heard stories about how someone has lain on his stomach on
the beach all day, while another one didn’t dare get out of the
water for fear of letting his erection show. So, yes, it can cause
problems. But I can’t teach you any tricks to keep the erections
from happening. My best advice to you is that you view them as
proof that you function properly and be happy about that. But if
it’s the reaction of those around you you’re worried about, you
might be a bit strategic about how you dress and wear a loose
shirt so your erection can’t be seen.
Best wishes,
Stefan
Breaking up
I want to break up with my girlfriend but I don’t dare to. We’ve
been together for nearly a year and I’m afraid it’s really going to
smash her up. What should I do?
Moudo
Hi. It can be hard breaking up. You don’t want to hurt anyone.
I think your girlfriend deserves you to be honest. Finishing by just
lettings things die, not calling or sending a friend instead, is not
fair. Think out what you want to say first, and try to be honest
without coming out with hurtful stuff that you don’t need to say.
Good luck!
Sandra
Having sex on your own
Hi. I’m wondering why people actually masturbate?
Anonymous
Hi! Masturbating just means having sex on your own. People
masturbate because it feels nice and exciting, it’s as simple as
that. Sometimes it feels relaxing, and sometimes you just want
to try out how something feels.
Masturbating is part of your very own sex life. Sex is not just
something you do with someone else. Masturbation is your own
place, where nobody else can go. No one can see from looking
at you whether you masturbate, how much you do it or what you
think is sexy.
Sandra
Are there any safe periods?
I wonder if there is any period where a girl can’t get pregnant.
If so, I wonder when that "safe period" is? Is it right after you’ve
had your menstruation? How safe is it to have sex then?
I’d be grateful for an answer.
Safe periods are what days when girls do not ovulate are called.
Ovulation generally occurs between two menstruations – so,
when ovulation and menstruation are regular, about 14 days
before menstruation. So the “unsafe period” is the days around
ovulation and the “safe period” is the days around menstruation.
But ovulation can happen a bit unexpectedly, especially during
the teenage years. Since you can’t know for sure when ovulation
will happen, there aren't really any safe periods. In order to be sure
of not getting pregnant, you should always protect yourself. Using a
condom also protects you against sexually transmitted diseases.
Sandra
Unhappy love
Hello,
I am in love with I boy I used to go out with before. He left
me for another girl, who broke up with him after a week.
I have liked him for one year now. It is really tough and he
thinks so too. But it’s so hard to forget. Sometimes we
meet as friends and we have even made out a couple of
times.
What shall I do? I just want to belong to him. Does he
have any feelings for me? He wouldn’t make out with me if
he had no feelings, would he?
I know that he fancies a girl at school, but they don’t know
each other so it can’t be love. He says he hates me, but he
has no reason to do that. Maybe he says so just to hide his
real feelings? I don’t know what to do, I think I’m going crazy.
I love him so much. Please help me.
Love in vain?
Dear ”Love in vain?”
To be sadly in love is difficult and I understand that you feel
both hope and pain.
It’s hard to forget him, you say. As long as you hope and
dream and wish that the two of you will be together again,
you won’t be able to move on and get over him.
You need to sit down and think about what your relationship
really looks like right now. You want so much, but what
does he want?
You wonder if he can make out with you without liking you.
Obviously he could do it without being in love with you.
Right now he “hates” you. Big words, that may mean that
he’s tired of hearing that you still want him. Maybe he just
wants to be friends with you, nothing more.
He is in love with another girl. They don’t know each other
so it can’t be love, you write. Yes it can! I think you need to
accept the circumstances and leave your wishful thinking
behind you. You will feel pain in your heart, because it is sad
to realise that someone you’re in love with doesn’t love you
back.
Best regards
Margareta
I don’t want to be alone
Hi GLÖD!
I have a serious problem. What shall I do to meet someone to love?
I’m so afraid to be the only one in the world who will never have a
relationship. I don’t want to be alone!
Lonely, age 18
Dear Lonely!
There is actually a simple answer to your question: sooner or later
most of us meet someone we love, and who returns our love. And
then we know it’s right, because it feels right. But maybe knowing that
doesn’t help you, as you’re longing for love NOW!
Therefore I’m going to give you some simple advice on how to use
your courage that you actually do have.
Start by recognizing your desire, excitement and pleasure, without
stopping yourself by thinking ”I’ll never make it”.
Then act. Look at him or her. Try to get an eye contact. He or she
will become aware of you, since we all like to get attention.
It doesn’t matter if you get embarrassed or don’t know what to say.
You know, most of us are a little shy and don’t know exactly how to
behave all the time. To be nervous and feel a bit dorky now and then
doesn’t scare people off.
Next step: Notice how he or she looks at you. Try to get an opportunity
to talk to him/her. Ask a question, just anything: ”Where are you
going”?
If you feel that the moment is emotional, if the contact is ”hot” and
you feel happy, then there might be something going on between you
that can develop. If there is no such contact, wait a while and take it
easy. Make your next move only when you’re ready for it.
Yes, love is exciting, tricky, disturbing and delightful and we all
want to love and be loved. There is no assurance for a happy end, just
a line of experiences and feelings for better and for worse. And love is
worth all that!
Margareta
STEFAN LAACK is a registered nurse and works in the clinic for boys and young men. He answers questions about the male body.
SANDRA DAHLÉN works with sexual and reproductive health education. She answers questions about sexuality and love.
MARGARETA BERGGREN is a psychologist who has been working with young people for many years. Write to her if you need support and advice.